Fatal flaw

8 years ago, Teacher Salmi (our English teacher) told us to answer the questions given in the paper she gave us.

The very first question (which I could never forget) was: Are you a good listener?

As a mere 14-year-old teenage girl, I answered: I don't think so.

Then the next day, when Teacher Salmi gave everyone their work back, she asked me to come to her.

And she asked "Why did you answer like this?" with a meaningful look on her face.

I was surprised by her question and thought what did other people wrote in the paper? Wasn't it the same answer?

I answered her without thinking "Because I don't think I am a good listener,". Being honest, as honest as a 14-year-old can be.

She continued asking "What makes you think you're not?"

"Because.... I don't like to listen to people. Sometimes I feel it's useless. I mean people complaining, criticizing, whining, it's...."

Teacher Salmi gave me a deep smile.

"Sarah, everybody wants to be listened to. You can't continue being a bad listener. You need to listen to people. Spare some time and open up your heart to listen. Yes, sometimes it seems like a waste of time. But trust me, it'll improve your relationship with everyone. You'll need someone to listen to you too,"

Teacher Salmi left a huge impact in my life. Before she left, (she was a 'guru praktikal' at our school at that time) I wrote to her "Teacher, I'll turn over a new leaf,".

She's not just a teacher. She's a friend. A motivator. An excellent listener. 

God how I missed her.

She once let me read the report that she prepared to send to her supervisor. I was surprised she let me read it. And was even more surprised my name was mentioned in it =). I still kept the copy she gave me. Can't wait to go home to read it again. 

From her, I learned to be a good listener. A good companion. 

Yesterday, I made a huge mistake. Repeating the fatal flaw I had during my early teenage life. The flaw that I'd sworn myself to throw it away, but seemingly it's still there within me.

My deepest apology to you, whom had been so patient with this attitude of mine.

Turning over a new leaf needs a deep thought and a huge step to be made in life.

Maybe when I decided to turn over a new leaf 8 years ago, I didn't completely eradicate the fatal flaw of mine.

And now, even as a grown up, I still have many more to learn.

Please show me the right thing to do whenever you see me doing it wrong.

I cracked yesterday because I was too tired, I cried so hard that it hurts me in the chest. The left side of the chest. The vital organ present in there. I cried for breaking my promise to listen to people. And I'm sorry, for not listening.

Please don't hate me for that. I'm just a mere homosapien too.



p/s: I wish I could meet Teacher Salmi, have a cup of tea and chat about life with her =)