Life is about choosing what we want. Plethora of choices lie ahead of us everyday. What to wear, what to eat, what to read, what to write, what to say, what to do, even what to think. I asked myself several times today about the choices that I had made in my entire life, living for 21 years as Allah's slave. Had I made the right choice every time I had to? On what basis did I make the consideration? The reasoning? What guidelines had I used in order to make decisions? Did I put Allah as my priority all the time? Or was I still too selfish to put myself ahead of any other priorities?
As I thought further, I became somewhat ashamed, disappointed and hopeless. I felt betrayed by my own self. Every new year, every new day, I told myself that I will be a better person. I told myself that I will be a better Muslim. I will love Allah more! But not long after I promised myself the same thing everyday, I kept on repeating the same shameful act of a hypocrite. I sinned every single day although I repented every single night. I still wasted my time for useless chats, for meaningless movies and dramas although I knew I had more duties than time. I still delayed my religious duties and gave priorities to worldly matters. I still gave silly excuses every time I did not finish my duties. I still blamed others when things did not go as I wished. I still lived my life full of procrastination!
I asked myself...
WHAT IS WRONG IS WITH ME?!
I knew Islam will win but what have I contributed for Islam? I confessed Islam is my way of life but why I still lead my life following the unbelievers? I knew Allah is always with me, but how much did I believe it? I prayed and asked Allah for so many things every day, but how many effort had I put so that I deserve to get everything I asked for? I knew I'm Allah's slave but how far had I lead my life as a believer? I knew that hell is too terrifying, but why did I still spend my time to do things that will lead me there?
Allah....
What an idiot I am! I forgot the purpose of my life. No, not for myself. But for Allah! If I live for Allah, then why do I still have time to satisfy my own desires? If I live for Allah, then why do I spend my money for myself? If I live for Allah, then why am I too coward to stand up for the truth? What did I do when my Muslim brothers and sisters were oppressed? Why hadn't I get out of the comfort zone when the Paradise is my aim? Why? Why am I still sleeping?
I don't want to start a new year, or even a new day, being the same idiotic hypocrite I used to be. I don't want to disappoint myself over and over again, by breaking the promises I made to myself and to Allah (in fact, every day we promised to Allah that our prayer, our life and death are only for Him, don't we?). I don't wish to be a dead body with no soul of jihad. I don't wish to be an excellent student on the paper, but a failure in front of Allah! I don't want to be a doctor who can only heal people's body but not soul. I don't hope to be a dumb speaker with no actions.
Muslims must be enthusiastic in everything we do! Brave enough to stand for the truth. Wise enough to spread Islam to the entire world. Have we got no advantages on our side? We have Allah with us! What else do we need to rise?
Dear me, knowing and believing is not the same. Knowing that Allah is always with you makes you knowledgeable. But believing and having faith in Allah who is always with you makes you a true Muslim.
O Allah, please let me live every single day with Your blessings of Iman and Islam.
Lastly, here's a new year's gift to my blog readers. Hope this meaningful speech will touch our hearts and open our minds.
0 play the melodies:
Post a Comment